I’ll just put it out there: I’m on the market. Looking for that special someone who can fill the void in my days and share laughter with me over my kids. Who gets me and still loves me when I’ve worn sweatpants for two straight weeks. Yes, I’m looking for a mom-mate.
I have this really great best stayhomemom-friend, Megan. She’s everything one could want in a mom-mate: a hysterical, down-to-earth mother of two. Her boys love my boys, and vice versa. She taught me that it was not actually a completely impossible to task to leave the house and have fun with a baby and a toddler, and that playdates are not just for people without lives. And then, she had the nerve to move away to be with her family. Just like that. A punch in the stomach to my social/mommy/emotional life.
I also have this really great best stayhomemom-friend, Jessica (yes, Jessica of the cake pops and babysitting genius). She is also all the things we wish for in mom-friends: funny, supportive, second mother to my kids. Still likes me even when I’m crabby and bitchy. Gave me a venting space twice a week for two years and helps me solve all those every day sahm problems. And then, she had the nerve to not be able to watch N anymore, which resulted in me taking him to preschool and losing my twice-weekly contact with her. This one I had months to get used to, but it was still a punch in the gut.
Now, I’ll fill you in on something. When you have kids, there are about a gazillion things people don’t tell you about how life will change. Likewise, there are about a gazillion things about the life of a stay at home mom that you don’t really think about. Or, at least, that I didn’t really think about. For one, you have to have friends to keep you from going insane. And your friends that you had before you were a mother probably won’t really get you anymore, and your constant obsession with your kids will annoy the hell out of them. And you won’t really get them anymore, either. Then, you’ll have to start whoring yourself out to other mothers in search of a play date. It’s the harsh reality. If you’ve just had a baby and are considering staying home, don’t think it won’t happen to you. It will. Twinkle Babies, Mommy and Me Tumbling, Swimming Lessons…they’re all full of mothers desperate for a connection.
So, as I sit here dwelling on my mom-matelessness and N’s current playmatelessness (another post, soon to come), I propose we all band together and come up with a Match.com for stay-home moms. Like all the single adults out there, it’s tough to meet people at places like bars and parties because we’re too busy cleaning up puke and soothing angry, teething babies to go to places like bars and parties. But obviously we’re all online, right? I mean, we’re blogging, facebooking, pinning. Why not matching, too?
I’ll get right to work on my profile. Should be pretty fancy. I mean, I own sweats in at least half the rainbow of colors. And I can change a diaper with one hand while texting snarky anecdotes about my kids with the other. On MommyMatch.com, those will be the types of highly sought-after qualities we’ll list. Who’s first in line?!